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How to Approach Women Online without Being A Total Creep

The stigma of online dating faded long ago and it’s now considered a socially acceptable way of communication. Meeting online has become a more common story, one that most couples are now comfortable sharing. Add to the mix a global pandemic (that forced everyone to socialize virtually in the safety of their own homes) and you have a sudden spike in the use of online dating platforms.

Yet the challenge (or mystery?) of how to approach women, persists. Whether through a dating app, website or singles chat room, the answer to how to approach women online is not easily answered. But we’re here to give you the best tools and strategies for not only getting that all-important response but hopefully meeting up in person. 

Step 1. Don’t be a douche

This one should go without saying, but no one likes arrogance or discourtesy. Some online snakes claim that it can work, but for the online dating masses, it’s best to keep conversations respectful. Teasing lightly and playfully? Great! Slightly awkward intro? Not a problem. As long as you keep it within the boundaries of respect, you’re already doing better than a lot of the online creeps out there.

Step 2. Got consent?

This one is not so obvious. Before you come out with your conversation starter and begin flirting with a woman online, it’s best to get permission to do so. That way, she feels in control of whether or not she wants to continue chatting with you. Remember, you’re not the first dude to pop up on her profile and say “hey.” Just because she’s on a dating app, it doesn’t mean she’s obliged to respond. She probably gets a lot of messages and isn’t stoked on guys barging in with pickup lines. You don’t want to appear to be sheepish or lacking in confidence, but she’ll appreciate that you’re acknowledging her decision on whether to engage or not.

Some examples of good consent requests are:  

  • This a good time to chat?
  • Is it ok if I pm you?
  • I’d love to chat a bit if you’re up for it.
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Just because she’s on a dating app, it doesn’t mean she’s obliged to respond.

Step 3. A genuine compliment

When you think about how to approach women, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Confidence? Swagger? A perfectly-executed witty comment that leaves her laughing and exuding positive body language? Probably a combination of the above. But that doesn’t mean being cheesy, nor does it mean a crass comment about her features. Think about why you stopped scrolling on her profile. If you’re attracted to something in particular, go with that. Just remember everything needs to stay PG-13 at this point, crossing a line will only get you ignored and unmatched.

Some examples of classy conversation starters:

  • Whoa, that smile!
  • I really dig that outfit. You’ve got some good style.
  • Nice profile pic. Was that shot professionally?

Step 4. Be upfront. Be honest.

So, you’ve made your first impression and now have some back and forth conversation going. If you have some lifestyle choices that are very important to you, now is probably a good time to mention them. Only eat vegan? That’s okay, just look for an opportunity in the conversation to mention it. Been married before and share the kids with your ex? That’s okay, too. Just be upfront with your situation. Holding this kind of thing back now could create some problems down the road and you don’t want to start a relationship by hiding something that’s very important to you. Remember we’re living in a very polarized world right now. Finding out on the first date that you both have opposing political views might end up being an instant deal-breaker.

Step 5. Leave it in her court

The best way to finish that all-important first conversation online? Just the way it started, by leaving it up to her on whether to take it to the next step. It can feel like a leap of faith for sure, but it’s much more attractive than pushing for a “yes” to a meetup or asking for a phone number. You want to respect her time, so don’t keep dragging on the first conversation. It’s better to start a new one fresh another day. And if you don’t hear back, accept it wasn’t the right match and move on. There’s no shortage of women to talk to out there!

Some examples of good conversation closers are:

  • I’m around later. Is it ok if I give you my phone number?
  • Great to meet you on here! I’m usually home at this time of day if you’d like to chat tomorrow.
  • I had fun chatting with you. Happy to meet up some time!

Some more pointers on how to approach women

If you do make it to a first date, the most important thing is to relax and be yourself. Look for the positive signs of body language such as eye contact and uncrossed arms or legs. If you’re seeing such negative body language or are getting short or one-word answers to your questions, that’s probably a signal that you’re not what she was expecting.

If the conversation is flowing, try to steer it back to her. If you sense she’s passionate about a particular subject, try to show some interest in that subject, even if you don’t know anything about it. As we mentioned earlier, compliments are great but only if they’re thoughtful and genuine. Not a lot of women respond well to comments on how pretty they are on the first date.

The biggest takeaway from this guide? You have to put yourself out there! The fear of rejection is real and it’s probably something you want to mentally prepare yourself for. The art of how to approach women can be intimidating and it isn’t learned overnight. It may take a long time before you start to see your success rate increase, but no skill is gained without practice and patience. Don’t be intimidated, just be yourself! 

Good luck out there.

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